"Wheelerguy" (wheelerguy)
09/29/2020 at 19:49 • Filed to: None
0
4|
"Wheelerguy" (wheelerguy)
09/29/2020 at 19:49 • Filed to: None | 0
| 4 |
!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!
. It h
as 47 advanced alerts from Grammarly, so I
want to cut it down as much
as possible, but I’m stuck with the free account. Can you please check it?
Just Jeepin'
> Wheelerguy
09/29/2020 at 20:03 |
|
I’m looking at it, but honestly I have zero context for it so I’m struggling a bit to make suggestions.
You could probably shorten this section quite a bit; it doesn’t make the reader want to continue slogging through the misery.
(Trust me, I can relate to big chunks of it; this is a hellish year in general.)
See, I’ve found myself in a difficult situation for months now. Between academic workloads, family worries, the pandemic and a depleted creative reserve, Wheelerguy has been barely hanging on by a thread, waking and sleeping and almost forgetting to do anything significant.
Numb, unmotivated, resentful, and generally sour, I let the days pass by doing the barest minimum of coursework and the easiest of news items to bump up my DriveTribe page. Worse, my sleep patterns are out of sync with normal reality, sleeping in at 6 in the morning and waking up at noon, an hour before classes begin, only to sleep again immediately after classes until midnight. This has done a number on my already-defective VSD-addled heart, and with little outside encouragement, I haven’t had a reason to push beyond passable in tasks that, a year ago, I always looked forward to getting blue-riband marks for. I couldn’t even catch up to classroom chat bubbles.
The result? I’ve grown tired, weary, woeful, and listless. Call it depression or melancholy; definitions stopped making sense to me by mid-September. Not even my collection — the cars that once got me playing 4K HDR scenes in my head the moment I touch them — could keep me happy or attentive for long enough. Alarming. Yet not out of the ordinary for me.
|
Wheelerguy
> Just Jeepin'
09/29/2020 at 20:07 |
|
Thought as much. Tha nk you!
|
Just Jeepin'
> Wheelerguy
09/29/2020 at 20:15 |
|
I just noticed I could have referred to that as part 1 and skipped the paste.
I do think this paragraph that starts with “They haven’t felt what it’s like” comes across as patronizing and arrogant. You don’t know what others are experiencing, and you don’t know where their talents are.
I would combine part 4 and the epilogue, reduce the level of misery again, focus on expressing the positive.
|
Wheelerguy
> Just Jeepin'
09/29/2020 at 20:19 |
|
Which is precisely what I did, cutting it down to barely over 2000 words now. Though maybe I just had to type it in some places rather than keep it all in my head.
I do think this paragraph that starts with “They haven’t felt what it’s like” comes across as patronizing and arrogant. You don’t know what others are experiencing, and you don’t know where their talents are.
Concurred. Rephrased that bit, now down to 1975 words. That said, I still have 39 amber alerts.